twenty three

i turn 24 on monday, so here's a little reflection on the past year.
  1. i took a nine month break from men, under the guise of working on myself and my career path and starting to love ME alone, single, without any men straggling on the outskirts so i could reach out when i needed validation. i didn't think i'd really do it, or if i did that it would make a difference.
  2. but here i am, a bit over a year after moving home from new york and leaving publishing, what i thought would be my career, and i'm happy.
  3. i got a job at the library. if i couldn't work with books in one way, i'd try another. and i thought, maybe this'll be something, but maybe it will just get me back on my feet so i can move on to what i really want to do.
    which is...writing? grad school? becoming a professor? i had no clue.
  4. but the library is it. i love being a librarian, i love advocating for the library and telling people about the services we provide, i love helping people in a way that is useful and good and might change their lives.
    and i also just love talking about books and being around books and people who read all the time too.
  5. a failed relationship almost started up again at the beginning of 23, but instead he rejected me for the choices i've made as an adult. he judged me and it hurt, and it still hurts, but i am content to know i'm not with someone who disapproves of my life.
  6. a friendship that was short lived but intense ended during 23, and it's a good ending. i feel more free to be me. i'm no longer worrying that everything i do will upset her, or that anything i say might make her explode.
  7. another friendship has blossomed and she's turned into a roommate and confidant. she cares about me immensely, and i hope she knows i feel the same.
  8. the friends i wanted to lose from college have been lost, and the ones i wanted to get closer to have been there for me.
  9. i moved out. again. and this time it's sticking!
  10. i still live and work in my hometown, and that really gets me down sometimes, but it's a place that desperately needs a good library system with people who care about the community. and i can be that.
  11. my mom and i have gotten closer. she has me over for dinner (near) weekly and i know how much she misses me in the house. the distance is nice though.
  12. the friends i made here on list have only become more dear to me. no matter what ups and downs we've had on this app, i will always be grateful for what it gave me.
  13. i'm going into 24 just as scared of aging as i felt going into 23, but i think this year is gonna be something. for starters, i need y'all to start kicking my butt for falling down on my writing!!!
  14. i love all of you who still read this. (i try to sneak around sometimes and keep up with you too.)
  15. happy (almost) birthday to me
    and barack obama