Requested by Nathan Veshecco

YOU MIGHT BE ME IF...

  1. You procrastinated writing this list for two weeks.
  2. You are too obsessed with the original Willy Wonka and Clue films.
  3. You feel very passionate about working as hard as possible, not calling out of work bc it inconveniences coworkers, and always doing as much as you can while at work, but your personal motivation barely exists.
  4. You consider yourself a "writer" but you know you really shouldn't since you haven't been regularly writing for almost a year.
  5. You often consider yourself the "nice friend," but in actuality, being scared of stirring the pot with the people closest to you isn't always the nice thing to do.
  6. You've been to a gym once in your life.
  7. You had open heart surgery a week before your 20th birthday and you were probably TOO chill about it.
  8. You never miss an opportunity to mention that you've had open heart surgery bc you think it's pretty badass.
  9. You were in marching band during high school and college. You kind of hated it, but it was also important to you in a way you'll never be able to properly articulate.
  10. You're embarrassed by how much other people's opinions affect you.
  11. You open up too quickly to people and think this overload of sharing is your way of forcing an immediate intimacy and you're working on it, okay?
  12. You need to go to therapy, but you're dragging your feet for some reason.
  13. You work at two libraries and a bookstore, and you previously worked at a publishing house, because the only thing you know about your career goals is that books need to be involved.
  14. You retain rocky relationships with almost all of your exes because you don't know how to end a friendship, and you also want them to keep tabs on you (i.e. be jealous).
  15. You often google definitions of words or phrases that you understand already solely because you're scared that your usage will be incorrect and you're terrified of being embarrassed.
  16. You attract friends who point out incorrect usage/typos in texts and make fun of you as a form of humor, but it almost always upsets you, even when you know it shouldn't.
  17. You read articles about murders at work all the time and you think your coworkers are getting freaked out. But in actuality, it's all from the my favorite murder podcast Facebook group!!
  18. You love adding a lot of !!!!
  19. Your favorite emoji are 🙃🤠🖤💕🎉™
  20. You can't listen to Pink Matter just once.
  21. You are exTREMEly inspired by Mitski and Lorde.
  22. You never know how to end a list.