1. Is an asshole to everyone except for me.
    Sorry!! I'm one of those hos!!!!
  2. But also gets along with my friends.
    I'm lazy so maybe he's already in the friend group or will be in the friend group in the future. If you're reading this and are in my friend group do not - I REPEAT - DO NOT make a move, thanks!!!!
  3. Doesn't like me at first for whatever reason but then eventually likes me so that way I can feel like I won or accomplished something.
    Not sure if there's another type of crush out there!!!! What's it like to crush on someone that already has a crush on you?!!
  4. Thinks I'm hotter than I actually am.
    Requires him to not add me on Facebook or see me naked!!! Not sure how to work around this. Lmk!!
  5. Thinks I'm hotter than he is but is actually hotter than me!!!
    Not sure if this exists!!!
  6. From the east coast!!! non-negotiable!!
    No OG west coasters and definitely no mid-westers and southerners!!! maybe PNW MAYBE!! Is this so east coast of me? Don't @ me!!!
  7. Older
    If you were born in the 90s, it's not happening!!!!! I wasn't born in the 90s so I can say this!!
  8. Doesn't have a roommate!
    He's older than me he can't have a gd roommate nope hard pass
  9. Thinks I'm smarter than him or at least intellectually equal but is actually smarter than me!!
  10. Thinks it's hot/funny when I'm angry
  11. Has at one point in time said, "I love your Twitter!!!"
    Swoon 😍😍😍😍😍