I started a book club like the basic bitch I am, and the first book is Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari. Here are some thoughts I've had while reading. I am maybe 70 pages in and my anxiety is through the roof.
  1. "I'm going to be single forever."
  2. "No fucking way that everyone I know is gonna marry their soulmate. Like maybe two of them will. The rest are gonna settle."
  3. "None of this applies to me because I can't bring myself to try online dating and now that's my brand so I can never give it a try because everyone would be like. 'I told you so.' So I'd honestly just rather be single than let them have that."
  4. "None of this applies to me because in order for it to apply to me I would have to have a romantic interest to text or to ghost me or whatever."
  5. "Is ghosting what I think it is?"
  6. "I would never ghost someone."
  7. "Does blocking numbers the second a dude texts or calls me count as ghosting?"
  8. "You've given your number out like twice, Lauren, and you've never reciprocated. You're a ghost."
  9. "Honestly, at this point, I'd be down to have an interest in someone just so they can ghost me because for like six seconds I'd have hope and feelings."
  10. "How do you even go on a date? Like how does this oven occur?"
  11. "I'm never gonna have sex again."
  12. "Am I George Costanza?"
  13. "Cool. So now matter how this turns out, I'm definitely not getting married until after the average age. Cool."
  14. "Cool. So I'm this 'over 25' demographic. Cool."
  15. "Are women not allowed to text the guy after a date to thank him? Like what if he pays for the date? Do you just play it cool until he reaches out? Isn't that rude? But will he think I'm crazy if I text him too soon?"
  16. *puts book down for twenty minutes because of crippling anxiety about what to do after a date that doesn't even exist*
  17. "If anyone comments on this list about how I should give online dating a try, I'm gonna murder their family."