Requested by B.J. Novak

Trader Joe's Salsas, Ranked

Here it is! After three months of eating chips and salsa. Who knew there were this many? You're welcome, America. Please note, I can handle heat. If I put this on my resume, can I list you as a reference, @bjnovak?
  1. 1.
    Hot Chipotle Salsa ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
    Easily one of my favorites. Definitely has a kick to it. Not watery, vinegary, or syrupy like a lot of the others.
  2. 2.
    Cowboy Caviar: Corn, Black Bean, & Pepper Salsa ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
    Another favorite. This is what a salsa should be. It's chunky, it has a kick to it, and I couldn't stop eating it. Not watery or sweet or syrupy. This is a great option for anyone who doesn't like tomato-based salsas.
  3. 3.
    SEASONAL: Fall Harvest Salsa ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
    BONUS REVIEW: Walked in to TJ's one day and the god's had answered all of our prayers: PUMPKIN IS IN SEASON. Anyway. This was spicier than I anticipated and less fall tasting. I mostly tasted the jalapeños and citrus more than anything else but it was still pretty good. And it was a festive color.
  4. 4.
    Pineapple Salsa ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
    I was pleasantly surprised by this because I had tried their other fruit salsas and was disappointed. This has a slight kick to it and is not syrupy or too sweet.
  5. 5.
    Hot Pico De Gallo Salsa ⭐️⭐️⭐️
    This was pretty standard Pico de gallo with a kick. Better than a few of the other store bought pico brands I've tried. Would maybe get again if I want Pico de gallo, but that's not my go to.
  6. 6.
    Mild Pico De Gallo Salsa ⭐️⭐️⭐️
    Same as the other pico de gallo except mild.
  7. 7.
    Double Roasted Salsa ⭐️⭐️⭐️
    This is interesting because it tastes like it should have heat but it doesn't. It's got a very smoky flavor and aroma and, though it's not bad, it just felt like a lie. I wanted heat for this one. I felt cheated.
  8. 8.
    Tropical Pineapple Mango Salsa ⭐️⭐️⭐️
    I prefer when salsas like this are super fresh and don't have a syrupy thing going on, which this does. I liked that I could eat this in the morning because I have no self-control. But, this would take like twenty seconds to make from scratch, so it's not worth the buy.
  9. 9.
    Fire Roasted Tomato Salsa ⭐️⭐️⭐️
    Not as hot as I expected. Actually, it was pretty sweet. Overall pretty good but I wish it had more of a kick and a little less sweet.
  10. 10.
    Serrano Salsa Fresca ⭐️⭐️⭐️
    This tasted like puréed peppers and water. It wasn't bad though. I'll finish the container I have, I'll binge eat it at a party, but I don't think I'd buy it again. I imagine this would be hard to handle if you don't like heat.
  11. 11.
    Roasted Garlic Salsa ⭐️⭐️⭐️
    This tastes like you could heat it up and put it on top of pasta or in a chicken parm as a substitute for marinara and no one would notice but they'd be like, "oh! Very garlicky!" No heat.
  12. 12.
    Roasted Tomatillo Salsa ⭐️⭐️⭐️
    This is the best of their salsa verde options, but still not up to par. Not vom inducing. Wouldn't buy again. Would eat a few servings of it at a party but wouldn't binge hard on it.
  13. 13.
    Hatch Valley Salsa ⭐️⭐️⭐️
    Not what I want in a salsa verde but doesn't make me want to puke at the thought of it like their regular salsa verde. Wouldn't get again but would probably still snack on it at a party.
  14. 14.
    Homestyle Salsa Especial Medium ⭐️⭐️⭐️
    Very tomato-y. Had Italian seasoning undertones for some odd reason. Also, a lot hotter than it should have been for a medium ranking. Would binge on it if I had to.
  15. 15.
    Homestyle Salsa Especial Mild ⭐️⭐️⭐️
    Same as the medium minus the heat. According to Google images, this salsa doesn't exist, and I never took a picture SO
  16. 16.
    Corn and Chile Tomato-less Salsa ⭐️⭐️
    This is essentially just corn that's flavored with something sweet and some spices maybe. Very little to no heat in my opinion. Not bad tasting but who wants to just eat corn. Get the Cowboy Caviar if you don't want tomatoes.
  17. 17.
    Organic Tomatillo & Roasted Yellow Chile Salsa ⭐️⭐️
    This is basically just heat and it doesn't work well with tortilla chips. It would probably work best in something like a burrito or on top of nachos. It needs other stuff because it's plain and spicy. Wouldn't get again unless for something super specific. Doesn't taste bad just...imagine marinara but super spicy.
  18. 18.
    Salsa Authentica ⭐️⭐️
    This is pretty similar to the organic tomatillo salsa except less spicy and more watery. Very curious as to who the hell the manufacturer for this and the salsa verde are because their packing is the same and they both suck. This one doesn't make me want to barf though.
  19. 19.
    Chunky Salsa ⭐️⭐️
    For some reason I assumed this would be super mild. It definitely wasn't hot but it did have a kick to it that I don't think people who hate spice would be able to handle. This was also very watery. Two stars because the thought of it doesn't make me want to puke but I would never get it again.
  20. 20.
    Avocado Salsa ⭐️
    This is weird. Not barf-inducing, but bad enough to throw it out right after I tried it. I love avocados but no to this.
  21. 21.
    Garlic Chipotle Salsa ⭐️
    Holy hell. This is offensive.
  22. 22.
    Spicy, Smoky, Peach Salsa ⭐️
    This is too sweet and too syrupy. I get sick just thinking about it. Would vom if I had to eat it again.
  23. 23.
    Salsa Verde ⭐️
    I'd like to think I just got a bad jar of this but holy crap this was terrible. It tastes vinegary but there isn't any vinegar in it? I'm actually offended by this salsa. Sorry @micheleaaa