THINGS TO DO INSTEAD OF GOING TO BED

  1. Floss.
  2. Brush teeth with electric toothbrush to mitigate gum recession.
  3. Tell self to make a dentist appointment.
  4. Scrutinize pores.
  5. Tweeze eyebrows.
  6. Check for rogue chin hair.
  7. Check Facebook.
  8. Check Instagram. Creep person from high school. Google their LinkedIn to see where they are in life.
  9. Check tomorrow's weather.
  10. Check Twitter.
  11. Contemplate deleting Facebook again. Contemplate retreating to the woods.
  12. Check email.
  13. Make list.
  14. Rearrange apps on home screen.
  15. Notice the time. Google Einstein's theory of relativity. Learn about time dilation.