Best Sellers at the Silverlake Dildo Emporium

(Muse: @nerdkos)
  1. Reclaimed Barn Wood Dildo
    Hand-turned by artisans from ethically salvaged walnut found at abandoned Vermont dairy farms. Regular sanding recommended to prevent splinters.
  2. Antique Pewter Dildo (used)
    Charming dents add character to this time-worn self-pleasurer. (c. late 19th century)
  3. Exposed Brick Dildo
    This restored dildo is affordably priced for first-time buyers, but purchasing it means that 5 other stucco dildos will be forced to relocate from the Dildo Emporium to Dennis' Discount Dildos in the suburbs.
  4. Amethyst Crystal Dildo for Chakra Healing
    This is a real thing. It's $280 and its called a Chakrub. I swear, you can look it up. I'm sorry to be the person reporting this to you.