Have you ever wanted to join a book club, but found yourself turned off by the way everyone is encouraged to take part in decision making? Please consider joining my totalitarian book club, where only I get to make the rules!
  1. Reading material will only be selected by the self-elected dictator, and will meet an indefinable criteria that is most concisely defined as "a book I want to read."
    More defineable criteria include: positive reviews in the New York Times, is not something my mom's book club is already reading, does not have a cartoon illustration of a bride eating chocolate cake on the cover
  2. Membership is extremely exclusive, and only the coolest, smartest women are allowed to join
    These elite candidates must past a vigorous test in order to gain entrance to this glorious but tightly-controlled nation state. You pass the test by expressing even tentative interest in joining the book club.
  3. Vigorous debate of the book is encouraged, but no one can discredit The Book Club or its leader, who is widely considered to be both wise and fair.
    "Fair" in the literal sense of being extremely pale.
  4. It would be frowned upon for The Book Club to transition into a Fight Club.
    However, it can double as a wine-tasting club, a "Lean In" support circle and a group therapy session.
  5. Membership, once granted, is permanent and participation is eternally mandatory
    And if anyone tries to secede and form a secondary book club (i.e. a "Blexit"), I will personally see to it that Amazon only sends its members Jon le Carre novels for the rest of time.
  6. Membership dues are a bargain at $350/month, plus mandatory enscription by all first-born daughters.
    Tithes are payable in Venmo and gourmet pastries from pre-approved bakeries.