The Seven Penises You Meet in Heaven

  1. The Blind Penis
    This penis doesn't know what you look like - it is aroused exclusively by your great personality.
  2. The Wise Penis
    This philosophical penis understands the element of human folly in all sexual desires. It isn't great at sex but it gives thoughtful advice.
  3. The Silent Penis
    The silent penis does not seek to undermine you with words, or to muffle you with its own need for attention. This penis just listens, quietly and thoughtfully. Sometimes you get the feeling it's actually sleeping though.
  4. The Rich Penis
    This decadent penis lavishes you with gifts. And that's it.
  5. The Penis that Gotham Deserves, But Not The One It Needs Right Now
    This penis will spend a lot of time in the ol' Bat Cave if you know what I mean.
  6. The Penis of Christmas Past
    This penis only appears once a year on Christmas, which, sometimes is kind of all you want from a penis.
  7. The Hilarious Penis
    This is the penis you should marry. I mean, if you're still single in heaven. Which, be honest, you probably are.