Top Five Jane Austen Conspiracy Theories

There is a fine line between close reading and being the InfoWars of English literature, and I want to explore it.
  1. Lady Anne de Bourgh is so sickly because she is a victim of Münchausen syndrome by proxy at the hands of Lady Catherine in Pride and Prejudice.
    I explored this in-depth in a Medium article and I'm anticipating a lot of positive feedback from Austen scholars everywhere.
  2. Charlotte Lucas in P&P is so happy being married to Mr. Collins because she plans to eventually murder him.
    This is laid out pretty clearly in the novel, and it makes you respect her character SO much more.
  3. Captain Wentworth from Persuasion is the hottest Austen love interest.
    I mean, DEF. This guy was a naval war hero and you just know his abs are super defined. He probably has a cool sailor tattoo, too.
  4. Emma was the original Millennial.
    She is smart but undisciplined, lives off her father's money, is extremely betchy and will probably start a podcast about "adulting" after she marries Mr. Knightley.
  5. Fanny Price of Mansfield Park has Celiac's Disease.
    I'm not saying this explains why she is so insipid, but obviously it is a contributing factor.