1. "That sounds like a bad bowel movement."
    Referring to someone playing the piano
  2. "I think it's hilarious that everyone was saying she was going to be fired."
    About the teacher I was subbing for
  3. "I'm gonna wipe my foot feces on here."
    Middle-schooler as she puts her bare foot on a desk
  4. "Ask her if we can go to the library." "No, you ask her!"
    ...I might say no, but I don't bite...