1. I came home last night to find a large roach lying on its back on my bedroom floor
    Not cool.
  2. I try to be cool and calmly grab a paper towel to pick him up and throw him in the trash.
  3. At the last second, I think, maybe I should make sure he's really dead before I touch him because if I try to pick him up and he starts crawling on me, we're gonna have a much bigger problem.
  4. I nudged him with my shoe and Surprise! He was not dead.
    Cue swearing.
  5. I briefly considered stepping on him, but he was big and I hate that crunch that crusty insects make when you stomp on them...
  6. So I quickly grabbed a plastic container and slammed it down over him.
    And this is when I stopped pretending to be an adult.
  7. I then reached into a drawer and pulled out duck tape.
  8. Problem solved.