THINGS I CANNOT ADMIT TO MY MOTHER

As a single yo-pro living under my parents roof there are certain things you just can't share with your new/old roommates
  1. I drink juice straight from the carton every single day
    Why would I waste precious time in the morning pouring juice into a cup?! I am just going to chug it anyway mom, so why waste eons of time and get a cup dirty. Use your brain mother. Just chug it from the carton.
  2. I have not washed my sheets in 6 months
    Let's be honest, my germ filled body is the only one in this bed anyway so I'll spare myself the head cold I'm apparently going to contract.
  3. That was my spoon in the sink, not dads
    "When will your father ever learn to put his damn spoons in the dishwasher!"
  4. I did not sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor the other night....
    I SLEPT IN A BOYS BED MOM! ALERT THE MEDIA!
  5. I took your headphones
    Yes, your new iPhone came with headphones. Yes, I took them and claimed they were mine. Sorry you didn't touch them in months and sorry I'm a lying daughter who is too poor to buy new ones for myself