LIFE LESSONS I HAVE LEARNED FROM MOVIES

  1. If someone asks to see your passport on a train in Germany you're most likely gonna be dead soon
  2. Don't insult Wookies
  3. Never get married if you're a woman in a Scorcese film
  4. If you're an ugly dude you can win a hot lady as long as you're funny but not the other way around
  5. It's statistically best to be on Samuel Jackson's side if you have to choose
  6. If you watch someone leave you on a steam engine train and they wave a handkerchief, your love is doomed
  7. If you greet someone getting off a steam engine train with a kiss, your love is doomed
  8. Your dog will always die in the most sentimental, heart-wrenching way possible
  9. To get your dad to love you, just save China
  10. Listen to swamp ladies and witches always