THINGS COCONUT WATER TASTES LIKE

  1. If you dumped a container of piña colada yogurt into lukewarm bath water
  2. If you collected a quart of sweat from a basketball team and left it out in the rain
  3. The liquid that pours out when you open an oyster
  4. The stagnant water that collects on the top of a pool cover
  5. A yeast infection
  6. Orange juice in a black and white world
  7. If you stirred a few drops of vanilla extract into a toilet tank and flushed
  8. If the maids went on strike at one of those hotels that has a champagne glass hot tub in the rooms
  9. If you mixed contact solution with pus from an open wound
  10. Six parts crushed ice, one part egg nog
  11. The inside of a foot blister