WHY WHOLE FOODS MAKES ME NERVOUS

  1. No matter which line I wait in, I get the guy with the electric, angry smile, who says "Thank you Laurie" in a menacing way as soon as I swipe my card.
  2. Can't get the thumbprint to work on Apple Pay, then I press the wrong button and it disappears, defeating the purpose of a quick checkout.
  3. Running into my ex.
  4. Running into my ex when I look like crap.
  5. Fear of having my car locked in the garage overnight.
  6. Choosing a basket over a cart and ending up with tons of heavy items.
  7. Buying the ingredients to make green juice to the tune of $30, then watching them go bad over the course of a week.
  8. That one time I argued with the meat counter guy about not restocking the organic chicken breakfast links my baby eats daily, then bought every single package when they restocked them and carried them past the meat counter in a huff.
  9. Bag shaming.