Things Alexa Doesn't Give Two Shits About

I recently purchased the Amazon Echo, or "Alexa" for my kitchen. If you know nothing about it, it's basically a speaker with internet and Siri and it allows you to purchase things just by yelling in your kitchen. This is a list of things Alexa gives zero fucks about.
  1. Hello, I'm Alexa. Ask me questions while you drink in your kitchen alone.
  2. Alexa, are you okay?
    Said this one after knocking Alexa off the counter and watching her bounce across the floor a few times.
  3. Alexa, can you turn off the smoke alarm?
    I'm just trying to cook, Alexa. Talk to the other machines for me.
  4. Alexa, why is Donald Trump?
    That's it. That's the whole question. Existentially, why did the universe need such a person in it? Alexa doesn't know either.
  5. Alexa, why is Dude so handsome?
    Nobody knows that, but look at him. Majestic.
  6. Alexa, who would win in a fight, Zombie Batman or The Undertaker?
    If the Batman Zombie can still throw karate kicks, watch out.
  7. Alexa, which wine pairs best with hockey?
    She had no idea.
  8. Alexa, at what age should a man stop manscaping?
    If at all?
  9. Alexa, where did I leave my fucking asshole keys fuck
    She's basically a punching bag who doesn't know important things.