1. picking gunk out of your dogs eye and wiping it on the couch
    bonus: accidentally doing it in front of other people
  2. saying "good girl" everytime they poop
  3. kneeling on the floor to wrestle a stick out of your dogs teeth in public
  4. search history only being filled w things like "dog ate garlic - safe?", "dog ate parsley", "dog ate vitamin d pill"
  5. making them wear coats