1. Ted Cruz - who buys your clothes and why don't they fit?
  2. Donald Trump - have you ever asked your daughter if she thinks you are as hot as you think she is?
  3. Marco Rubio - are you real? I get a real "plastic" vibe around you? Do your knees bend at human angles? Are your hips hinged instead of socketed?
  4. Ben Carson - have you checked your pulse lately? Are you sure you have one?
  5. Carly Fiorina - how much would we have to pay you to just go away? Really. If I could give you another large tech company for you to run into the ground I would, if you'd just promise to leave. It would be totally worth it.
  6. Chris Christi - must you exhibit every single derogatory stereotype people have about a person with your ethnic background who is from New Jersey? Also did you play Snookie in drag?
  7. Jeb! Bush - Why?