Cool feelings about growing up Christian

  1. Asking my parents uncomfortable questions about God and the afterlife as soon as I could speak
    Apparently my brother did this too. We really like to freak out our parents.
  2. All my weird as fuck memories from Sunday school when I was under the age of 5
    I remember being extremely flummoxed about God being the father AND the son of himself. I remember having an argument with an older girl about it which resulted in me fuming and screaming about the logistics not making sense. Aside from this argument, this Sunday school was what you might call "LIT" bc of all of the raging Halloween parties I went to there and the rooms and forcing objects I can't remember that well because it was all a blur!!
  3. Having no friends at my new Sunday school
    They all knew each other from school and I was always confused that people could hang out with each other outside of church (without inviting me!?)
  4. Locating Jerusalem on a map
    It was thrilling to finally just //know///
  5. Not believing in God
    At least the "He" "Him" "Father" "HE" one
  6. Hoping a heaven existed
  7. Being at my grandmas church
    Genuinely some of my favorite childhood memories
  8. Listening to my bible stories CD at night, but only for the entertainment values
  9. Having a crush on Sampson & Joseph
    Sampson's hair...Joseph's coat...both of their tragic lives...
  10. Ripping out pages of the bible
    Sexist or homophobic pages were literally torn out of all my bibles (I was 9 or 11 and not having it)
  11. First communion fuck yeah!!
    Didn't believe in God but was absolutely psyched that I was getting a silver necklace w/ a cross. Proud I wasn't the goon that spilled wine on myself at the altar.
  12. Get confirmed
    Confirmed to be a grade A little shit! (Side note: I never actually got confirmed)
  13. Youth group meeting on Wednesday
    We'd make gross bread or watch the Prince of Egypt or play a game where we found quotes from the bible. I always left feeling like church was not my kind of kink. Except when we ordered pizza. The pizza was great and made me forget about everything around me.
  14. Counting the number of women mentioned in the bible on one hand
  15. Being a youth assistant at Sunday services
    I had to dress up in a white robe and tie a rope around my waist. I felt like the biggest idiot in the entire world the feeling was only amplified when I had to carry the cross down the aisle sheik everyone sang and stared at me (the cross— But actually at me). The only thing worse than the cross was lighting candles because I was genuinely afraid I was going to set the church on fire
  16. Free donuts after church / Sunday school
    Every Sunday I just remember thinking "wow, what a time to be a kid!"
  17. Church worksheets
    Because things weren't already stressful enough I was forced to do worksheets during sermons on top of having multiple existential crises. I remember using the page as a place to doodle.
  18. Communion
    A thin dry wafer and a sip of wine got me through every time
  19. Thinking about sex at church and then thinking "haha I'm thinking about sex at church!"
    Oh to be young !!!!
  20. Cursing out loud in church
    I told my brother to "fuck off" very loudly at least twice
  21. Being forced to go to Sunday brunch after the service
    "But mom, I've already had a donut!!"
  22. Asking my dad if he's Jewish
    I had a hunch we might be a bit diff