So far.
  1. 6:30
    I wake up because I can't breathe and as I open my eyes all I can see is blood gushing from my face into my hands and shirt and blankets. Worst nose bleed of my life because it resulted in a mild panic attack.
  2. 6:37
    I wonder if something is wrong with me because I don't feel motivated to get down and wash up the blood, I just don't care. Too worried wondering why someone would naturally get up to clean themselves while I wouldn't
  3. 6:40
    I get up (rather crawl down from my bed?) to clean up
  4. 6:40
    I look in the mirror and almost faint because my entire shirt is covered in blood
  5. 6:41
    I clean up
  6. 6:45
    I crawl back into bed and try to pretend I don't see blood on the sheets or on my comforter. Feel like I'm in a murder scene
  7. 6:50-7:20
    I try to watch porn. It doesn't cheer me up. It almost never cheers me up. I think I learned a new blowjob technique though, so that's an interesting take away.
  8. 8:00-8:26
    I change shorts 5 times, bras twice, and try on 8 shirts. I am still not happy with the results. In this time frame I manage to lose and find my phone probably 12 times. I'm not exaggerating any of these numbers. I'm almost late for Latin class because I'm putting on mascara. I shove my feet into my sneakers without tying the laces (i still haven't tied the laces)
  9. 9:36
    In Euro class I read an excerpt from a nazis diary while I'm supposed to be working on a group activity of making lists for the causes of world war 2. I want to cry. When I read about the holocaust I feel Jewish. Is this because I'm a woman or is this because I feel too much shame over my German blood? (Please don't attack me for this. These are my real deal thoughts at the moment)
  10. 10:37
    I read chapter 19 of the scarlet letter without thinking about a cute boy. I sparknote chapter 20.
  11. 11:55
    I bring cereal to my work job at the library. This is not allowed. I'm almost immediately shamed. I don't even think about whipping out my water.