I FEEL LIKE IT'S EATING ME ALIVE

  1. I've never felt this lonely
  2. And loneliness has never felt this permanent
  3. I feel like all of the weird terrible things people told me about high school happened to me
  4. And none of the good things did
  5. I thought I loved my parents
  6. But I think my mom hates me
  7. And I think my dad is disappointed in me
  8. I want to call my brother more
  9. But I'm scared of annoying him
  10. I feel certain I'll never meet someone who understands me and fall in love
  11. Not that I should care
  12. I feel like I've been depressed for years
  13. It's hard to open up to people
    Even if you want to talk about it that doesn't mean other people want to hear about it.
  14. I hate this
  15. I hate how miserable I must be to everyone I'm around
  16. I hate how different I am from my family
  17. And how different I am from everyone I'm around at school
    Even though my family & schoolmates aren't exactly similar
  18. I'm just feeling
  19. Alone
  20. And I don't know what to do about it
  21. Like I want to maintain this sense of optimism that it will get better and I will be happier and I'll be known and understood
  22. But honestly I feel suffocated?
  23. (I can't tell if this list was therapeutic or a step backwards)