DUMB THINGS I HAVE SAID OUT LOUD
- •"I don't actually think I could find my butthole."This was during an explanation of enemas. I maintain that I could not give myself an enema even in a dire emergency.
- •"I am 100% certain Henri Matisse is a time traveler because I have seen him."I stand by this one.
- •"Do you want me up before noon?"At my first job
- •"Where are their parents?"This was after someone had told me about those Chilean miners trapped underground. I thought they were all under-18 type minors.
- •"Apostle"Pronounced with a hard "T."
- •"I'm funny on Twitter"Ok this wasn't out loud but it WAS to one of my Tinder matches, which is somehow far worse.
- •"I knew it was gonna rain because of my ankle."I have a plate and screws in my ankle, which is the equivalent to a meteorology degree. My coworkers did not agree.