ADVICE MY MOTHER HAS GIVEN ME AND WHAT I ACTUALLY HEARD/ TOOK AWAY FROM IT

  1. "Be a whore in the bedroom and a lady in the dining room": Be a whore.
  2. "Stop wrinkling your forehead": you are looking way older than you should at your age so stop moving your face altogether.
  3. "You look so good with a tan": 10 months of the year you look like death.
  4. "I want you to follow your passion, but you have to think about the future": Dear God, I hope you don't ever quit your high paying day job, cause I'll need you to take care of me one day.
  5. "I love you more than anything in this world": I love you more than anything in this world.