THREE FIERCELY FUTILE THINGS I DO REGULARLY

  1. 1.
    Check the weather in countries and cities I have never been to and don't anticipate visiting into the foreseeable future
  2. 2.
    Grind my teeth while lifting my upper lip with the support of my button lip up to my nose as if I'm holding a pencil between the aforementioned upper lip and nose to get a sense of whether my breath smells (it doesn't work, I never know)
  3. 3.
    Scroll through photos of shrimp cocktail, googling images and innovative recipes (literally: the search term is innovative shrimp cocktail recipes) and back logging them even though I am kosher, anticipate remaining kosher and have never eaten shrimp except this one time at Benihana in 1996
  4. 4.
    BONUS NUMBER: This list