My Strange Coming of Age

My stories as I was slowly, but surely, blossoming.
  1. My grandma liked cooking with onions in the kitchen but my eyes would burn every time she did. I'd often sit at the dinner table with swimming goggles tightly strapped onto my face.
  2. I was finally beginning to see the beauty in defined features. So as my first act, I defined my forehead by threading ALL the fine hairs off.
    The top half of my face was literally shining in every picture.
  3. At one point in time, my fashion icon was a fictional girl from the children's series 'A-Z Mysteries' who apparently wore every thing - from her hair band to the laces on her shoes - of the same color.
    On my first day of 3rd grade, I wore ALL camouflage. No wonder no one knew I existed.
  4. The first thing I ever said to my middle school crush was "Hey...haven't I...seen you...at...the science fair?"
    I have never been to a science fair in my life.
  5. I thought my romantic life would be, well, more romantic.
    Ah, young love. The sweet bitch it is when you look like an Asian Honey Boo Boo with a dash of Colonel Sanders.
  6. I told everyone that I was getting a couple guitar lessons here and there.
    My teacher was Axel Steel's character on Guitar Hero: World Tour.
  7. I enjoyed watching PBS Kids
    until the end of 7th grade.
  8. One day, my mother grew tired of being the one with the bratty child and hit me and made me call every person at church and apologize to them over the phone.
    I guess it was one way to start my morning.