1. When you catch your first Pokemon, you will also catch a case of chlamydia
  2. You will have the ugliest sneeze in the entire world, it will make deaf puppies cry
  3. You, a liberal, can only marry a Republican
  4. Every time someone says "If I had a nickel every time I..." you will right then and there crap out 5 pennies
  5. You can only listen to 'What's Up' by 4 Non Blondes for the rest of your life*
    * I know it's a great song, but really, how many times can you listen to it before getting sick of it? ANSWER: AS MANY TIMES AS I SAY
  6. Your breath will smell worse than cigarette smoke and a sundae made by SpongeBob combined
  7. You will never rip a piece of paper out of a notebook cleanly; instead it will be ripped jaggedly and then somehow catch on fire
  8. May every butterfly you encounter be the size of a seagull and want to sit on your head