The Bart Train I'm on Keeps "Checking Its Stability"

It keeps stopping, slowly gaining speed, stopping again, suddenly going extremely fast, and, of course, stopping. The man announcing over the speakers sounds like a maniac. These are my thoughts.
  1. Next to a strange Asian lady that oddly looks like me and in an enclosed area that potentially has TB in the air.
    I never thought it would end like this
  2. I need to befriend someone on this thing before we die.
    I don't want to do this alone.
  3. Please, God. Please. SNL is on tonight. I've got places to be.
  4. OH THANK GOODNESS THEY SAY WE'RE BACK TO NORMAL.
    I'm alive!!