10 great Seinfeld episodes and their wine pairings

  1. The Soup Nazi
    in which Kramer loses Elaine's armoire to a bunch of "street toughs," then gets her a new one from the same strict soup vendor who bans her from his restaurant, Jerry calls his girlfriend "schmoopie," and George invokes his Right to Bread. Pair with a stern Pinot Noir, and if you're hungry, a steaming bowl of mulligatawny.
  2. The Hamptons
    in which the quartet travels to a friend’s beach house where they encounter an ugly baby, Kramer poaches lobsters, Elaine gets called “breathtaking,” and Jerry’s girlfriend walks in on George after he’s been in the pool, but sadly doesn’t understand “shrinkage.” Pair with a Petite Syrah, emphasis on the “petite”.
  3. The Contest
    in which George’s mother walks in on him gratifying himself and he vows to never do “that” again, prompting the four to enter into a contest to see who is truly master of their domain. Go as long as you can with no drink, then pop the cork of a nice champagne when you can’t take it any longer, and take your reward.
  4. The Yada Yada
    in which Kramer and Mickey double-date and argue over who gets which girl, Jerry suspects his dentist converted to Judaism purely for the jokes, and George’s girlfriend may have “yada yadad” sex. Don’t be an anti-dentite—in honor of Tim Whatley, pair with a nice manischewitz.
  5. The Marine Biologist
    in which Jerry convinces Elaine that “War and Peace” was originally titled “War, What is it Good For?”, Kramer takes up golfing, and George saves a beached whale from certain death. Pair with a refreshing beach wine, Pinot Grigio.
  6. The Opposite
    in which things start to go excellently for George, horribly for Elaine, and everything evens out for Jerry. Pair with a nice Rosé, one which is dry like a red, refreshing like a white, and pink like all the wines which are usually undrinkable. It will be the opposite of what you think it will be, and it will be delicious.
  7. The Chinese Restaurant
    in which George, Elaine, and Jerry spend the entirety of the episode waiting for those two magic words: “Seinfeld! Four!” Really you shouldn’t have any wine with this one out of solidarity, but if you must, supposedly Riesling goes well with Chinese food, and if it’s a cheap one, that’s probably punishment enough.
  8. The Puffy Shirt
    in which George moves back in with his parents, Kramer dates a low-talking fashion designer whose quiet voice tricks Jerry into wearing a puffy shirt on The Today Show and Elaine makes fun of him for it, calling him “The Count of Monte Cristo.” Pair with a nice hearty Port, because it’s basically pirate wine.
  9. The Butter Shave
    in which George’s new job gives him a rascal scooter, Jerry goes head to head with Kenny Bania with disastrous results, and Newman wants to eat Kramer after he starts shaving with butter and falls asleep in the sun and cooks like a chicken. Enjoy with a nice buttery chardonnay, which, incidentally, also tastes great in a hot tub.
  10. The Bubble Boy
    in which everyone tries to take a nice trip to Susan’s parent’s cabin, but George ends up in a game of Trivial Pursuit with a boy trapped in a bubble. Oh, and Kramer burns down the cabin with his cigar. It’s the gang at their most destructive, a feat to be celebrated with a nice bubbly prosecco.