1. Start assembling all ingredients.
  2. Realize that I forgot to buy unsweetened coconut at store.
    Dammit anyhow
  3. Rifle through cupboards. Find three half-opened bags of sweetened coconut.
    Why/how do I have three bags of coconut? Push that question aside for later 2-in-the-morning overthinking
  4. Pick the least-expired bag of coconut. Dump in bowl with the other ingredients.
  5. Measure out maple syrup, only to discover that the fancy Vermont syrup IS MOLDY.
  6. Substitute honey, which is 155% stickier than maple syrup.
    Mrs. Butterworth would never pull some rank shit like this
  7. Finish mixing granola. Spread out on designated sheet pan. Notice that recipe states that pan should be lined with parchment paper.
  8. Swear, loudly.
  9. Bake granola; remove from oven. Admire the toasty golden color and that my kitchen smells like Good Housekeeping says it should smell all the time.
  10. Try to shove some granola in my pie hole after it's been out of the oven for, oh, 23 seconds.
    Sweet Jesus when will I learn
  11. Swear, loudly.