ANSWERS FOR WHEN PEOPLE ASK YOU, CONDESCENDINGLY, WHY YOU DON'T HAVE CHILDREN

Most of these not only answer the question, but they also quell the desire to ask any pesky follow-up questions. Two birds, one stone.
  1. "I lost a bet."
  2. "I figured I could be self-righteous and smug about a lot of other things — for free."
  3. "When I was ten, my Cabbage Patch doll came to life, touched my stomach, and placed a curse on me that made me barren."
    Lesson? Don't buy a Cabbage Patch doll at the Goodwill.
  4. "The state won't allow me to have kids."