SIGNS THAT SOMETHING IS SORT OF UP WITH YOU

I've only done 3 of these and by the grace of G-d only 1 this week, but I have eyes...
  1. Sudden haircut (usually a bob or "lob")
  2. Sudden dog adoption followed by massive regret followed by the words "this dog is my destiny"
  3. Gleeful job quitting without any warning or back up plan
  4. Deciding, under the guidance of a brand new totally untested friend, that one of your parents is a clinical narcissist
  5. Texting @jennikonner "I'm sobbing" then 10 mins later "I feel so alive" then 5 mins later "I'm shaking, should I exercise?"
  6. Buying an Andrea Boccelli album
  7. Accepting a social invitation from an Uber driver about to end his shift
  8. Buying all the ingredients for lasagna then going to sleep for 25 hours