1. Jehovah's Witness
    Why don't they celebrate bdays or Xmas again?
  2. Bitcoin
    What. The fuck. Is bit coin? The Internet just started its own economy? Is that right? What's the federal reserve for this sort of gig?
  3. Chihuahuas
    They ain't cuddly. They're stupid. They ain't soft and they bark and bite. Taco Bell got it wrong cuz by using a Chihuahua to sell tacos they ended up just selling the lie that you want this kind of dog.
  4. Deciding to play the tuba
    It's bigger than most humans who play it, and they have to carry it. No one listens to the tuba as a solo instrument. If you chose the tuba you may as well wear sweatpants everyday and stop using napkins because what you're telling the world is that you're a huge piece of shit who doesn't deserve comfort or recognition.
  5. The Blues Brothers
    How is this funny? White comedians singing the "blues" in sunglasses? They turn around a couple of times and we're supposed to think it's genius or something? Aren't real blues folk offended? Aren't we all offended by thinking we're supposed to laugh at (what most likely was) an inside joke that went too far?
  6. Hedge funds
    Don't explain.
  7. The female reproductive system
    You might think you know, but next time ur at the gyno ask them to explain "why?" Eight hours later when you wake up and find yourself still sitting in their office, ask yourself why you ever questioned me.
  8. Smart people who are still afraid that anti-depressants might "take away their creativity"
    First find me the pill that gives creativity. It's not Adderall. It's not acid. Oh yeah there isn't one. If you thought it was a pills fault for not being creative, chances are you probably werent very creative to begin with. Because that's the most unoriginal and trite statement I've ever heard. A lame excuse to stay miserable cuz because let's face it-- it's what you're used to
  9. Being able to make yourself cry
    My dream
  10. That method of parenting where you want your kids to sleep in bed with you
  11. Pro-Ana
  12. Fake sex scenes (e.g. "Y Tu Mama Tambien")
  13. Things I get in the mail that look super official and tell me I owe money, how that's not illegal.
  14. Why printers are so big