The best drugs that aren't drugs
  1. Being totally crushed out
    Most often mistaken as "falling in love," but if you've ever really been in love you'd know you don't get high like this no more. Crushes get us high because we get to be our horniest and least intimate selves at the same exact funnest time! Crushes eventually crash, but you'd do all over again on the off chance that "this time maybe it'll be different."
  2. Horror movies
    Fact: the human brain doesn't know the difference between being on coke and watching a horror movie. "I don't feel anything. When's it gonna kick in? Oh God, I'm starting to feel it. AHHHH!" (Brain takes rest while adrenal goes into overdrive followed by fun, laughs, paranoia, and pointless chatter). "Now I can't sleep! Fuck you, life!"
  3. Jetlag
    So tired but you can't sleep. So annoyed but can't stop the giggles. So awake but can't keep your eyes open. Everyone is saying something hilarious. WELCOME TO THE CANDY FLIP BABY!
  4. Getting caught in the Inter-web for OMG IVE WASTED FIVE WHOLE HOURS?!?!
    Yr stoned as fuck bra
  5. Buying shit online
    Feels like we're just clicking away depression, one PayPal purchase at a time, until one day your husband opens the door to the storage closet and dies from being trampled by all the Amazon boxes you've been hiding from him. WE ARE ONLY AS SICK AS OUR SECRETS PEOPLE
  6. Roller clasters
    The real ride is the excitement you feel waiting on line that then slowly mixes with dread as you get closer to the front, capped by a complete "why the fuck did I want to do this" freak out as the ride starts, several minutes of that type of laughing you do when you're super nervous, and a total high as you get off the ride, mostly because you can't believe you're still alive.
    Suggested by @mandi