SMALL WAYS MY PARENTS HAVE WRONGED ME
Sure, I've lived a mostly charmed and easy life, and my parents are generally very nice, good, chill people, but I still have a few bones to pick with them. Thanks for listening!
- •Made me miss my last soccer game in 7th grade to go see Steely Dan.At a beautiful outdoor amphitheater in Washington. Guess what middle schoolers don't care about: Steely Dan! Why don't you take me to cool shit like this now, when I could actually appreciate it?!
- •Never took me to Disneyland or Disney World.Because they didn't want to have to go with me. I've still never been!😢
- •Didn't get me a Popple.I wanted one so fucking bad. Actually, they got me a Popple Bank that didn't turn inside out, WHICH IS THE WHOLE POINT OF POPPLES. I tried to cut it up and make it into a real Popple, because I thought that was possible, but I just ended up ruining it. 😰
- •Encouraged me to "quit trying" to play sports because I was bad at them.Told me during dinner I should give up on the farce of attempting to play soccer and focus more on something I would actually be good at. They presented me with a brochure for an art camp, and in response I screamed "YOU WANT ME TO BE A DORK!" and ran away from the table crying. Then ripped up said brochure and flushed the pieces. I showed them!
- •Made me return a cool bikini I bought on sale at The Gap (with my own money).They felt it was too skimpy, which I felt was bullshit.
- •Did not let me watch TV in the mornings before school.BUT THAT'S WHEN SHE-RA IS ON.
- •Would not buy Capri Sun.Because the packaging was "not recyclable."