Fears (Chapter 1 of my book/journal "Deep shit")
As I read Eat, Pray, Love (as well as have been practicing yoga & reflecting w my life coach Taseanna) my thoughts have been getting too deep so for self exploration I will list them. Since, afterall, this is suppose to be my journal. Also fear is totally one of my life lessons.
- •I fear that Mike & I are not destined by the stars to be together. That I am actually just to scared to find love elsewhere.Although I am not interested in that. At all. I fear that. Thats real. & I intend to document our love in a future chapter since Taseanna inspired me w the question "how do you love a person for 10 years seriously" hasn't got off my mind since!!
- •I fear sometimes. Now, actually that all my friends are such go getters that Ive settled in a career & I could have been so much more ambitious w fashion or something along those lines bc I was so into it in college & see all these ppl around me doing such great things w such fearless ambition.Although deep down I know I would have not been happy but sad. I am so SO family oriented. I hate being 25 mins away from my parents let alone hours by car or plane. & I LITERALLY LOVE MY JOB. & all while going to college & working else where knew thats literally all I wanted to do. & Im so happy w it.
- •I fear that Mike is never going to break out of his funk & make me his wife.All I want is that title. Your child. Better yet children. I basically am any way. We literally have been to the moon & back (Idk Im not good at analogies) & I know you are "so in love w me" hahahah be seriously you just have a different way of showing it but I get that & thats whats so magical. & I love you. Again obviously. Just make it official. Ok ?
- •I fear in my current occupation. I am not pursuing enough. Like I think I would be an excellent hr maybe not hr but that next step up like Katie Brown. Or merchandising. I LOVE merchandising.But truley I don't want to drive everyday. At all. Im happy where Im at. Bored at times but very happy. & I want a family like SOON. & my schedule is ideal. I would love to pursue all this after that. But I fear bc Im young now Ill lose my chance. But I really want to do all that after.
- •Sidenote: everynight I literally pray for the health & happiness of all those that I love. I pray that WE ALL find true happieness, success, peace, serenity with in our love lives, career & family lives.
- •Also Im literally obsessed w becoming a housewife. Not a member of the show of course. But like Thresea Guidices' life minus the jail. Is all I aspire. (Or my moms) loyal wife, cooking 247, pasta on Sundays, taking care of my husband & 2 "beautiful daughters", being a fashionable mogul mom. Like making an awesome career out of crafts or blogging.
- •That pretty much sums up my fears. Started off scared, ended up smiling.Vision, vision, vision, focus, focus, focus.
- •Maybe Ive been too scared my whole life & didn't go out their & fight for what I want & the universe is just waiting on me to do that. I feel so ambitious right now. Let me go out their & get Michael & my children. Let me start my period. Plssssss 👏🏼🙏🏼 YASS !!
- •Also while I'm at it. I wish my dad would just stay put at GE. I mean. He loves wine. He does not complain, at all. Not making the big bucks but enough. & I know he loves neon. (An equivalent to Mike & floors. & me & crafts) but an hr & a half a way & 10 hrs, staying a night there. Rain, snow. Like I want to worry ab all that.Are you sure your not just money hungry?