Key points in life ..

Blessings .. (Not to dwell but I literally have never got most of this out bc I do not allow myself to go there.)
  1. I am thankful for Jake.
    For many reasons actually. (Crazy kind of I know) But its literally like he appeared out of a crowd (literally) at all the right times. Kind of a blessing RIGHT when I needed it. Some temporary attention. & we both know we had a blast. (Bc we knew eachother so well. Again literally.) Like dating my best friend, which Idk we knew it wouldn't last. But it was VERY fun while it lasted. & I thank you for that.
  2. I have always felt as tho Jake was a blessing (esp since reading Thresea Caputo & learning all what blessing are ab) bc he helped me get over Mike. Literally. Which is exactly what I needed at the time.
    I had nowhere else to go. Literally. I don't know how I would have got through that summer wout him actually. I was completely back to my old self in every single way. The person I WAS before all that took place. One night I got a blocked call (Mike) at Ods & I didn't answer & Jessica looked at me like I was insane (bc he could be in trouble) but I didn't even flinch. It was ALL ab ME again. He will never know how much that time meant to be.
  3. Referring to the above pic. Horrible things lead me to that decision (& I AM BEYOND THANKFUL that I can look at them now as blessings I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH) but they allowed me to refocus & realize there was NOTHING I COULD DO. (& it took me a very long time to realize this)
    I literally started working at Exp (telling everyone I had to for school which was 25% true 75% other) just to not have to see what I knew was going on w Mike at work. I remember literally being scared to death every time someone in Mikes family called me bc I thought they were going to tell me he was dead. & talking/crying to Christine on phone in Buy the Beach parking lot bc we had to do something or he was going to die. I literally imagined his funeral.
  4. BREAKDOWN
    There was a time in July (of that summer) that I actually had a breakdown. In YSU parking lot. In pouring rain. This week I had randomly seen Mike for the first time in months & months & realized he was so on drugs (although he was telling me otherwise.) I felt as tho I didn't even know him. At all. & Jake & Josh & Vicky & I just had a sleepover (totally pg) & he was trying to make nonstop plans w me. Moving so quick. & I freaked out. Bawled. But it was a RELEASE & I need it.
  5. So end of summer. Last week or so. I find out Jakes getting back w ex gf. I was devastated bc what was I going to do. I finally moved on & it was over. A week later. Mike calls me from jail. Fairy tale ending. But it was. He went to rehab & all is history.
    I AM FOREVER BEYOND, BEYOND GREATFUL. & so thankful for those watching over him. His bubba, Brent. & whoever else. Bc all my praying paid off. & I will continue to do it. THANK YOU.