Key points in life ..
Blessings .. (Not to dwell but I literally have never got most of this out bc I do not allow myself to go there.)
- •I am thankful for Jake.For many reasons actually. (Crazy kind of I know) But its literally like he appeared out of a crowd (literally) at all the right times. Kind of a blessing RIGHT when I needed it. Some temporary attention. & we both know we had a blast. (Bc we knew eachother so well. Again literally.) Like dating my best friend, which Idk we knew it wouldn't last. But it was VERY fun while it lasted. & I thank you for that.
- •I have always felt as tho Jake was a blessing (esp since reading Thresea Caputo & learning all what blessing are ab) bc he helped me get over Mike. Literally. Which is exactly what I needed at the time.I had nowhere else to go. Literally. I don't know how I would have got through that summer wout him actually. I was completely back to my old self in every single way. The person I WAS before all that took place. One night I got a blocked call (Mike) at Ods & I didn't answer & Jessica looked at me like I was insane (bc he could be in trouble) but I didn't even flinch. It was ALL ab ME again. He will never know how much that time meant to be.
- •Referring to the above pic. Horrible things lead me to that decision (& I AM BEYOND THANKFUL that I can look at them now as blessings I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH) but they allowed me to refocus & realize there was NOTHING I COULD DO. (& it took me a very long time to realize this)I literally started working at Exp (telling everyone I had to for school which was 25% true 75% other) just to not have to see what I knew was going on w Mike at work. I remember literally being scared to death every time someone in Mikes family called me bc I thought they were going to tell me he was dead. & talking/crying to Christine on phone in Buy the Beach parking lot bc we had to do something or he was going to die. I literally imagined his funeral.
- •BREAKDOWNThere was a time in July (of that summer) that I actually had a breakdown. In YSU parking lot. In pouring rain. This week I had randomly seen Mike for the first time in months & months & realized he was so on drugs (although he was telling me otherwise.) I felt as tho I didn't even know him. At all. & Jake & Josh & Vicky & I just had a sleepover (totally pg) & he was trying to make nonstop plans w me. Moving so quick. & I freaked out. Bawled. But it was a RELEASE & I need it.
- •So end of summer. Last week or so. I find out Jakes getting back w ex gf. I was devastated bc what was I going to do. I finally moved on & it was over. A week later. Mike calls me from jail. Fairy tale ending. But it was. He went to rehab & all is history.I AM FOREVER BEYOND, BEYOND GREATFUL. & so thankful for those watching over him. His bubba, Brent. & whoever else. Bc all my praying paid off. & I will continue to do it. THANK YOU.