Good for her, not for me

I'm feeling pretty sad and disappointed right now, and I really want to tell you all about it.
  1. This weekend started out with the news that all my friends were officially accepted into the College of Nursing after a year of pre requisites.
    I didn't get in, because I didn't pass organic chemistry or physiology. I knew this, so it wasn't a surprise, but it still hurt to see all the Facebook statuses of "Officially accepted into the College of Nursing!!! 💉"
  2. I'm happy for everyone, and I'm retaking organic chemistry and physiology in the fall, and hopefully I'll be officially accepted into the College of Nursing by the spring semester.
    I'll graduate a semester late, and in the grand scheme of things, this really isn't a big deal.
  3. But I'll admit that I am sad. I feel like a failure. And watching my friends and their joy of being accepted isn't really helping.
    They're 100% allowed to be happy! It's just their happiness is reminding me of the fact that I failed.
  4. I know that this is my fault.
    I didn't pass the classes I needed to pass, and that's on me, (and partially my depression, which has made an unfortunate reappearance in my life). And I think that makes it worse, because I'm angry at myself and I don't have anyone else to be angry at.
  5. In this tough time, I have turned to the words of my dear friend Amy Poehler, "Good for her, not for me."
    I'm happy for all my friends, but I'm also sad for myself. So in this case, it's good for them, not for me.
  6. I know that I'm young and I still have so much to learn about this world.
    But one thing that I really struggle with is learning how to deal with failure, or disappointment. I've failed so many times in my life and yet every time it is still just as hard.
  7. I'm hoping that this sadness will pass soon, because I can't punish myself forever.
  8. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that failure is hard, I'm bummed, and I'm hoping it will be over soon.
    Thank you Amy Poehler for helping me find a way to be disappointed for myself but still happy for others. It's a tough way to feel.
  9. Sorry for bringing you all down with me, and thank you for allowing me to share! ❤️