1. I keep a mental list of restaurants that serve real whipped cream and ones that serve fake whipped cream.
    I don't fuck around when it comes to whipped cream.
  2. I feel oddly threatened when people say "my friends."
  3. My favorite movie title is The Unbearable Lightness of Being.
    I have no clue what the movie is about and I've never seen it, but I really like the title.
  4. I think the word girlfriend sounds better than boyfriend but the word husband sounds better than wife.
    Like boyfriend? What a dumb word. And wife? Don't even get me started.
  5. The fact that I don't know why Lauren Lapkus got a divorce keeps me up at night.
    I mean not actually because I'm a really good sleeper, but you know what I mean.