I spend all day with a 2 1/2 year old. The struggle is real.
  1. Answer "no" to everything.
    Even if no doesn't make sense. "Hi, how are you?" "No."
  2. If there's a task you don't like doing, make sure you prolong said task to make it 10x longer than it would've been if you'd just cooperated.
    For example, my 2 1/2 year old hates having his diaper changed. So he throws a fit and runs around and turns a 2 minute task into a 15 minute task.
  3. Repetition is key.
    Did you just ask a question and get an answer? Well, by all means, ask it again! And don't stop there, just repeat everything you say at least 4 times.
  4. Help is for suckers.
    Is someone trying to clean up your mess? Carry your plate to the table? That person is an enemy and deserves to get a piece of your mind.
  5. Being too loud is impossible.
    Why would you lower your voice? Clearly the entire pool needs to know that your nanny is going to the bathroom. That is pertinent information.
  6. There's absolutely nothing wrong with requesting a food and then waiting until the food is made to decide that you don't want it.
    You changed your mind! Others should just respect that!