Requested by Boogie

What Kind Of Celebrity I'd Be

Thank you dear @Boogie for requesting this list because I have SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS. Okay, here goes.
  1. I would be famous for being an actress in movies and occasionally guest starring in a TV show. I also would want to produce movies at some point.
    NO LIVE THEATER AND NO PLAYS. NEVER.
  2. I wouldn't be a comedian because I can't be funny on command.
    When I read Tina Fey's memoir, I was disappointed because it wasn't funnier. And I realized that it's because we have high expectations for comedians. We expect them to make us laugh with every single word that they say, which is unreasonable for anyone. If you watch an interview with Ryan Gosling (who generally does very serious roles), people are always pleasantly surprised by how funny he is. The lesson here is that low expectations are important in comedy. So I plan to be Ryan Gosling.
  3. Obviously, I'll buy a house with a pool.
    I've wanted to have a house with a pool my WHOLE LIFE and THIS IS MY CHANCE.
  4. I'd definitely hire a driver and never drive again.
    I hate driving.
  5. I would definitely be on social media. Instagram, twitter, I would have it all.
    I would occasionally like people's tweets about me to give them that "OMG A FAMOUS PERSON LIKED MY TWEET" rush. I would also occasionally respond to my trolls, but not allow myself to be consumed by them.
  6. I would definitely have fun with social media and respond to my fans and stuff.
    I would also talk about movies and politics and food, basically all the things I talk about now, just with a larger audience.
  7. If I got married, I would probably be somewhat private about my husband, but not like Eva Mendes or anything. She's just annoyingly private.
    I would probably be like Emily Blunt and John Krasinski. I think they have a good balance between telling cute stories that make us feel like we know them, and keeping a large part of their lives private.
  8. If I had kids, I would probably occasionally share a photo or two of them, but not too many.
    I would be like Reese Witherspoon. I think she has achieved the ideal balance of sharing photos of her kids while not sharing too many. Honestly, all babies look alike, so I'm not too concerned about keeping my baby's face a secret. It's a fucking baby. It looks like a baby.
  9. I wouldn't start dressing fancier or wearing makeup, except for red carpet events, because sometimes it's fun to dress up and be fancy.
    The paparazzi will definitely have a bunch of makeup free, wearing sweatpants shots of me because that's me 99% of the time.
  10. I would go on talk shows and tell stories from my life.
    I would also be that relatable actress talking about pizza and Netflix and naps. Like JLaw but less annoying.
  11. I would bring my mom and sister to red carpets because I already promised them that I would if I became famous one day.
    I don't know about my dad. He's kind of a noob.
  12. I would be an advocate for all the things I advocate for now, like feminism, the environment, equal rights, and adopting dogs.
  13. I would adopt like 5 dogs and talk about them ALL THE TIME.
  14. I would make movies and play parts that I believed in, and make friends with some AMAZING celebrities.
    I would also fangirl over certain celebrities and probably freak them out.
  15. I would NEVER buy an expensive car because they freak me out.
    No amount of wealth or fame will change this.