Keep in mind that this was not as a child, but three months ago. Please don't tell my mom about this because the statute of limitations has definitely not expired.
  1. Baked potatoes seem like the easiest thing in the world to make, right?
  2. Well they are to someone who isn't stupid
  3. So one afternoon I get a massive hankering for a nice baked potato (without sour cream because that would be disgusting)
    The sour cream thing is irrelevant, but everyone should know that it's gross.
  4. I think, "Oh, I'm 17 years old, I'm practically an adult, I can surely do this by myself"
    This list is a refutation of 2/3 of the claims made above
  5. I go to the potato/onion drawer
    Which apparently are like the only two things you should keep separate in a kitchen
  6. And I grab a nice, plump russet potato
  7. And I put aluminum foil over it
    It just seemed like the thing to do
  8. This would have been fine if I had been planning on using the oven
    I was not
  9. For a while all was well
  10. I plopped that thing in the microwave
    At this point, the potato has the potential day-ruining power of the boulder from 127 Hours before it falls on James Franco
  11. And I put a completely random time on the clock and turned it on
  12. Then the microwave fuzzed out and turned off
  13. My potato had broken the microwave
  14. At this point, I went into multiple-sibling household survival instinct
  15. I got my potato out and took off the foil
    I knew the foil was the problem but for some reason I had decided to forget that information when it was relevant
  16. I then made a big deal about how I was just then about to put my potato in the microwave (with foil off)
  17. And then pretended to be surprised that it didn't work
  18. This innocent making of a baked potato quickly turned into a game of accusation-filled Hot Potato
  19. My parents yelled at my sister, who was the last person to use the microwave, asking what the hell she had done to the darn thing
  20. Then they checked the fuse box
  21. They started thinking something might be wrong with our wiring
  22. This questioning and investigation into the "mystery" of the microwave lasted about an entire hour
  23. And instead of just saying "I put foil in the microwave," I kept quiet about my misdeed
    Just waiting for it to blow over
  24. It was eventually blamed on my sister not closing the door all the way
    Which doesn't really make sense
  25. Then my mom offered to make me a baked potato from the oven
    Because my sister had "cheated me out of making my own"
  26. While sometimes I think about it and feel bad, i try to block that out
  27. I like to think of it in the positive
  28. So I learned an important lesson
  29. Always feign innocence if you have a sibling and plausible deniability
  30. Because then they will get blamed and your mom will make you a baked potato
    That's how it will always work, right?