WHAT I WANTED TO BE GROWING UP, CHRONOLOGICALLY

  1. Dolphin
    Age 3
  2. Ballerina
    Age 5--My hand-eye coordination is all out of whack, something still true to this day* *Tends to trip while walking
  3. Dolphin
    Age 6
  4. Doctor
    Age 9--But then everyone kept saying "I hope you don't mind not having time for your family!" And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call encouragement
  5. Esthetician
    Age 15--because popping zits felt like going to Disneyland and because I am gross
  6. Teacher
    Age 16--Because I had good teachers and I wanted to spite all my bad teachers. Becoming a teacher for this reason is like having children because you're financially stable (not a good reason to have children)
  7. Therapist
    Age 18
  8. Teacher
    Age 19--Because everything I love was inspired by a good teacher and I wanted to fill other people's lives with that same kind of passion and love. This doubles as a legitimate reason to have children
  9. Educational reformist
    Age 21--I can't condense this into 500 characters, but because not everyone has access to an environment that will allow them to love things and feel passionate. In laymen's terms: it's real fug'd up
  10. Dolphin
    Age 21.86--Because shit's stressful and dolphins aren't stressed