What I Added to My Resume to Ensure Job

Mostly because I'm freaking out about a possible interview
  1. Lease and mentor of underlings
  2. Expert in martial arts weaponry, paintball, and pre-industrial German
  3. Able to vanquish customer resistance through physically imposing alpha male traits and insatiable, merciless, jackhammer-like techniques
  4. Nailed it
    Photo of my as the actual Holder of these skills. Will attach to resume if needed