What to eat when you have food allergies

I Recently discovered I had multiple food allergies. I can no longer have Dairy, Eggs, things containing Yeast, Corn, Cocoa, Refined sugars. Things that are white. Etc. So, basically I am in Food Hell!
  1. Sand. But only Organic non GMO vegan sand.
  2. Cardboard. The kind that's Unbleached, Preservative free from Whole Foods. Only $24.99 per-sheet. Reasonable!
  3. Water. Only the kind that is Ph balanced, alkaline stabilized water with electrolytes.
  4. Celery
  5. Whole grain low fat Gerbil food. Delicious!
  6. When you ask my youngest, "What's mommy having for dinner?" Her response is always, "Vegetables and Sadness!" FML.