Things I would say to Kat from The Bold Type if She was Real or My Friend

  1. 1.
    Straight facts: Adena was not ready for a relationship with you. Adena was not even ready for a relationship with anyone but her self. Leaving Coco may have been the right thing, but jumping into another relationship is never is.
  2. 2.
    You probably would have ended up as her rebound, even if she never thought she would, even if you thought you could handle it. You would not have been able to handle it. You deserve more, and to put yourself in such a precarious, new, and scary position only to be with someone who couldn't support you and herself would have been an unmitigated mess
  3. 3.
    You cannot step from out of the closet into someone's shadow. Repeat that to yourself. It is a lateral move. You think you're not, or you could never be, or you Would never be that way. Then you meet someone who is so sure and assured in that way, and you think you have found the keys to the kingdom, a tour guide, a bodyguard, all in one, forever.
    But you didn't. No one can be that for you and keep themselves afloat too. They just can't, especially not when they're as young as you and Adena are. No one can be that for you, and the kingdom was open the whole time, and it was never as dangerous as you were scared, and information is power, and even if you feel overwhelmed, this kingdom is a community, if you just look past yourself.
  4. 4.
    Don't regret it. Not for one minute. It was so scary, and so hard, and you are so brave for trying. Maybe the next one will work. Or the next one. Or the one after that. But it would be a betrayal to the both of you to throw away the rest of your life. Remember how good it was, how happy that Kat was, and live your life for her.
    Not the Kat you are now, but the Kat who 6 months from now who knows now. That Kat will know both the highs and the lows, and hopefully with a bittersweet smile, she will open herself up again. Love her. Take care of her. Don't lock her up again.
  5. 5.
    Realize that these feelings do mean something in the grand scheme of your life. Look back, take stock of all your relationships, analyze. Its ok if you don't find an obvious pattern, you may never find the perfect label, and thats okay. But be with other people who have felt what you feel, learn the history, listen to others,
    and be yourself, whomever she may be. Find your place in this new community.
  6. 6.
    Take a deep breath, take time, feel everything. Feel all 7 levels of grief. Feel what you feel, but don't be upset when an outside perspective dirties your rose colored glasses. Don't be upset when life moves on and so does Adena, and she falls off the pedestal you built for her in your mind. Just keep moving, and keep respecting yourself and her.
    Don't be surprised if it takes longer than you think it should. As long as one day, you wake up and say that you want to be better, to feel better, that you respect yourself enough to stop wanting someone who doesn't want you, you will pull through.
  7. 7.
    Know that your friends and family love you, no matter what. And chances are, you have a whole new community about which you can say the same.