BEST LINES FROM "THE BIBLE WRITTEN IN NEW YORK CITY BLOG VOICE"
The full piece—by Jessica Misener—can be found on Medium https://medium.com/@jessmisener/the-bible-written-in-new-york-city-blog-voice-d8aa8341e081#.11tk0m9n3
- •The earth was formless and empty, and darkness was hovering over the surface of the deep, which, ugh.
- •Actually (#actually), God called the vault “sky.” Not that it matters because all nomenclature is irredeemably flawed and meaningless, like Williamsburg after the sushi places moved in.
- •Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it.” And then God opened the Gowanus Whole Foods!!
- •And there was evening, and there was morning — the third day lol.
- •And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures.” And things kept getting worse on earth but like of course they did. God’s brand had started to suffer!
- •And then some people started thinking God was creating Excellent Content and asked if he wanted to work for Fusion or BuzzFeed or like make a Facebook instant articles for them.
- •Then God, a True Millennial, said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness.” Male and female he created them. And Millennial God said they were the first ~baes.~ I mean… HERE WE GO!
- •Then God wrote a wretched leaving New York article that actually used the phrases “I need more wide open spaces” and “everyone is just so competitive here.”
- •Read the full piece it's totally lol and ugh and awesome https://medium.com/@jessmisener/the-bible-written-in-new-york-city-blog-voice-d8aa8341e081#.11tk0m9n3