It feels like a long time since I've really listed, and I miss it. I realized that all the things I wanted to share that have gone unlisted were really just a swirling and perpetually changing morass of feelings, so here is some of what happened since I was last here. Here I am, the tiny home of perpetual feeling.
  1. I dated two men at once
  2. Not intentionally
  3. For a short period of time
  4. And I tried to keep them separate as best I could but also it was impossible because my feelings for one so overshadowed the other
    I am a hopeless monogamist
  5. And then they both were gone, over, done
  6. And I had many feelings like anger and annoyance and despair and then also
  7. Clarity and
  8. Total doneness
  9. Because also I have a very big deadline that is almost here
  10. And every feeling I have and have ever had really should be going directly into all of the writing that I needed to do
  11. And have been doing
  12. And living
  13. And breathing
  14. And forgetting to drink or eat
  15. (I discovered I am not very good at taking care of myself under the extreme pressure of running a business and writing a book at the same time
  16. I kept thinking I should write a post it note that said DRINK WATER EAT EGGS
  17. But I didn't have any post its, so there went that)
  18. I got a stress rash and the doctor said well it might be secondary syphilis but then it was not and I couldn't believe anyone on earth would be allowed to utter those words unless they were telling me the name of the alt grunge band they were in
  19. So basically
  20. I'm alive
  21. I'm going to make my deadline
  22. I do not have secondary syphilis
    Or primary, for that matter
  23. I still have feelings
  24. I love the thrum of immersing myself in the work, the writing, the stream and tangle of life becoming something recordable, tangible, readable
  25. I love that I am actually doing the one thing I have always wanted to do, the only thing this tiny home of perpetual feeling has ever really, truly wanted
  26. And that, just that
  27. Is so more than enough