1. Help my friend deal with her depression
  2. Also help her come out of the closet
  3. Help me find a boyfriend
  4. And/or true love
  5. Help me be funnier
  6. Be my friend and/or put me to bed
  7. Help me keep my house more neat and tidy
  8. Get my work done because it'll just be a little break and then I'll have so many good ideas!
  9. Help me be more chic in social settings where knowing things about wine and stuff matters
  10. Help me be more chill
  11. Help me be a better writer
  12. Teach me stuff about foreign places
  13. Help me understand brain science because apparently we are wired for pattern recognition and thereby our brains are having a fucking field day with lists?
  14. Help me be more chic in general
  15. Help me see into people's souls