First of all, I will say that this wasn't really a movie. But damn did I love it. And damn are those men hot. And hot diggity damn if it didn't just make me really fuckin' happy.
  1. It will go to extremes to make you feel good, because it knows the deepest desires in your heart
    These men want to give every woman what she really wants. Because, like every woman, they too have hopes and dreams and hearts and ripped bods and sick pelvic thrusting dance moves. A marriage proposal? ✔️ Some light BDSM? ✔️ Whipped cream? ✔️ A sexy serenade? ✔️ Someone to paint you in glitter on body and canvas? ✔️✔️✔️
  2. It can hang when shit gets rough
    When things go wrong, these men want to lift you up. They will give you drugs, they will hug you, they will bestow pep talks, and they will lay healing hands on you. They will give it to you hard and they will give it to you soft. Make no mistake, they WILL male entertain you.
  3. It makes fun of level three reiki healers
    This is actually a requirement to be friends with me, seeing as I once was a level three reiki healer (more or less).
  4. But seriously, it's sooo sensitive
    Let's burn palo santo and eat artisanal froyo and meditate and cry and touch each other and listen to the wind whipping through the reeds at the ocean's edge and validate our undying worthiness over endless pours of vino, shall we? Not a spoiler (cuz it's not really a movie, remember?), but these things really and truly all happen IN MAGIC MIKE XXL.
  5. It's totally cool with drag queens
    No homophobia here! Let's all us dudes hold hands and sleep in the same bed and sing kumbaya and go to drag shows. Doesn't it feel good?
  6. Sometimes it's just insanely silly
    And it makes you love it even more for all its moments of supposed seriousness. I started laughing in the first few minutes of the "movie", and didn't stop for, well, most of its duration.
  7. It loves people of all sizes and colors
    All folks deserve hella good sex, love, joy, and fulfillment. These men agree! And they want to deliver! I will accept!
  8. It believes you deserve every good in the world
  9. It will go all high priestess on you when the time is right
    Jada Pinkett Smith-style: "Girls, are you tired of everyone telling you how to behave? How to talk like a woman, how to walk like a woman? When sometimes what you want is someone to just ask you what YOU want? And to whisper in your ear: 'How does it feel?'" Real dialogue from the "movie".
  10. And finally, it can cut a rug in a way that makes you want to cry and cum at the same time (to steal a phrase from @jansonebwoodlee, unrelated to this movie)
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    Well, actually, my best friends can't really do that. But fuck if Channing Tatum can't. His body moves in ways I haven't seen since I dated a fire dancer who preferred to perform naked on the beach. Ride on, pony. When the "movie" ended, I already couldn't wait for the next one. #COMEAGAIN